Overcoming Stress At Work

Contents
What Is Stress? How You React To Stress Stress Awareness Training How Stress Affects You And Your Job Identifying And Challenging Anxious And Negative Thoughts What Causes Stress At Work? Managing Stress At Work Criticism Assertiveness Training Coping With the Need for Approval Managing Your Time Competitiveness and Perfectionism	Procrastination Further Strategies For Stress Relief Dealing With Relationships You And Your Family Removing The Obstacles To Intimacy Controlled Breathing And Relaxation Techniques Meditation Autogenics Nutrition Exercise Conclusion

What Is Stress?
- Stress although not an illness itself, can lead to ill health. Stress is our reaction to pressure and challenge. Stress can be positive and bring about action in response to a demand and a healthy amount of stress is required to survive.
- However, stress is detrimental to our well-being when we are unable to meet the demands made and physical, emotional and mental strain, termed ‘stress’ results.
- When we are faced with threat, the ‘fight or flight’ response known as the stress response is triggered and gives us the strength to deal with the challenge. Normal functioning is resumed once action has been taken.
- Problems occur when these bodily changes which were designed as a short-term aid to survival are experienced too frequently and for too long.
- In today’s pressurized environment one stressful incident is followed by another, then another. Our body does not get a chance to revert to a state of calm.
- Stress can affect your mental ability to work by:
  1. impairing decision-making
  2. reducing concentration
  3. making it difficult to think clearly
  4. leading to a loss of creativity
  5. making memory worse
  6. reducing ability to plan work
  7. reducing ability to prioritize
  8. reducing control of your work.
- An imbalance in emotional state is caused by stress and affects our ability to work effectively. You may feel:
  1. upset and tearful
  2. irritable and angry
  3. anxious and apprehensive
  4. mood swings
  5. panicky
  6. apathetic
  7. demotivated
  8. unable to enjoy things
  9. powerless and unable to cope
  10. withdrawn into yourself
  11. unsuccessful – a failure.
- Stress is apparent in our behaviour as a sense of initial urgency as the stress response is triggered and eventually exhaustion sets in, shown by decreased activity, lethargy and lack of interest.
- The physical signs of stress include: aches, pains, cramps, rashes, loss of libido, breathlessness and heart palpitations.
- Absence from work is mainly due to stress-related illnesses, and stress can make work relationships difficult – everyone’s work and well-being suffers.
- Monitor over a period of time the signs of stress in your behaviour. Note whether the warning sign is emotional, behavioural, physical or mental. What is the warning sign and how do you know?
- There is a range of strategies which can help you to control the stress response and focus your energy appropriately for the workplace.
- To develop your own stress management plan you need to:
  1. know yourself and what affects your stress response
  2. identify what causes you to experience stress
  3. anticipate stress so you can implement strategies for coping
  4. choose whether to eliminate the stressor, alter your perception of it, or to change your behaviour.
  5. develop a personality and lifestyle that prevents harmful stress in the future.
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How You React To Stress
- Stress is unavoidable and part of everyday life. Some stress is essential to normal functioning. Stress ranges from physical danger, to falling in love or achieving success.
- Major life changes or the accumulation of minor everyday worries can lead to stress.
- You need to know how to respond to these experiences to lessen the impact stress has on your life.
- Stress can be environmental (e.g. weather, pollution, traffic), social (e.g. bereavement, disagreements, financial problems), physiological (e.g. illness, aging, insufficient exercise and sleep or poor nutrition), or from your thoughts – your brain can turn on the ‘fight or flight’ response (biochemical changes prepare your body to deal with danger).
- Stressed people tend to view events as difficult or dangerous and consider that they do not possess the resources to cope.
- Stress-related disease may result from chronic or persistent stress – if the stress response remains turned on.
- Stress affects almost every system in your body from being more susceptible to colds and flu, headaches and ulcers to exacerbating cancer, AIDS, arthritis, asthma and diabetes, to causing amenorrhea (cessation of menstruation), impotency in men and loss of libido, depression and ageing.
- Consider the change that has occurred to you recently and how you can best adjust to these changes.
- What does each change mean to you and how do you feel about each experience?
- Plan ahead for any life changes you may anticipate and do not rush making decisions.
- Implementing effective coping strategies to deal with your stress will take time so be patient with yourself.
- Stress management is about finding the right types and amounts of stress for you to maximize your performance.
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Stress Awareness Training
- You need to monitor your stress and become familiar with what sets it off and the feelings, thinking and actions associated with the anxiety. You can do this by keeping a diary. When you feel anxious note the date and time. What was the event? Rate your distress 1-10 (1 is no distress and 10 is extreme panic). What caused your anxiety? What was your response to cope with the problem? Re-rate your distress.
- After two weeks of monitoring your stress levels you should become aware of what triggers your distress, your bodily feelings and thoughts when distressed, how your distress levels vary with different situations, what you tend to do when distressed and what is the best way for you to cope with your distress.
- Make two lists – one of short-term only coping strategies and the other of long-term coping strategies. You can refer to these when you feel stressed. Try to incorporate more of the long-term strategies into your set of coping techniques and attempt to gradually abandon your short-term methods.
- Avoid turning to stimulants such as alcohol, caffeine and nicotine as coping methods. These have unpleasant effects in the long-term.
- Study your diary to determine what drives your cycles of distress. Is it bodily, psychological, behavioural or social?
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How Stress Affects You And Your Job
- Consider how the job you do at the moment, suits your character and personality. If your work does not meet your needs you are likely to become bored and frustrated, which can be stressful.
- Write down what you want from work e.g. long-term employment prospects, challenging work, having responsibility, getting along with colleagues.
- Your work may satisfy your essential requirements but there may be aspects which are stressful.
- Identify your personal values to see to what extent they are they are supported and developed by your work. Examples of personal values are: wealth, health, religion, family, financial security, friends, honesty, loyalty etc.
- There are three types of personality:
  1. Aggressive – this personality type is prone to stress; their enthusiasm and determination is valued but always striving to win can lead to frustration and anger; they need to direct their energy into attaining a healthy mental and physical state
  2. Calm – this personality type is relaxed and patient – their approach to work can be just as effective as that of aggressive people.
  3. Distressed – this personality type has a pessimistic view of life; they need to express their bottled up emotions so that their physical and mental health does not suffer.
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Identifying And Challenging Anxious And Negative Thoughts
- Thinking affects your feelings and how you feel affects your thinking. By altering your thoughts you will feel better.
- You need to recognize the different types of thoughts which include ideas, expectations and attitudes.
- Worrying thoughts become a difficulty when you cannot get rid off them easily.
- A cycle of mounting anxiety can result if you do not identify and challenge your worrying thoughts.
- Ask yourself if your worry is irrational and unrealistic. If so then find a rational statement to replace it.
- There are three steps to challenging worrying thoughts: Identify your worrying thoughts – Try to catch the thoughts that go through your mind. Monitor your thoughts when you are anxious each day. Note the date and time and your anxious thought. Rate it 1-10 (1 is no distress and 10 is most distress) and write down thinking biases.
- You need to recognize bias in your thinking so that you can rectify your thoughts. Patterns of biased thinking include:
  1. being personally affected by things;
  2. taking the blame when you are not at fault;
  3. mind reading – thinking you know someone’s thoughts when you do not;
  4. discounting the positive;
  5. jumping to negative conclusions – interpreting things without evidence;
  6. emotional reasoning – an over-reliance on feeling to guide judgments;
  7. catastrophizing – predicting the very worst;
  8. over-generalizing – you notice something true and make generalizations about it;
  9. predicting the future;
  10. labeling – calling yourself names;
  11. wishful thinking.
- Consider how you can challenge your worrying thought by finding alternative ways of thinking. Think about the reasons both for the worrying thought and against maintaining it. What is the worst case scenario and how could you cope? Try to form a more rational and constructive view of the circumstances. Re-rate your distress.
Feelings and Thoughts

We interpret things that happen to us by many thoughts about what the event conveys to us.
These thoughts can be automatic and just enter your mind immediately with little or no effort.
You may spiral down into more intensely anxious feelings because one automatic thought can lead to another.
Our inner feelings, fantasies, what we notice about our body and past actions can contribute to negative thoughts as well as particular situations.
We can clarify our thoughts by asking ourselves questions.
Try not to dwell on these negative thoughts or you may spiral down into more deep intense anxiety.
Train yourself to identify the themes you tend to dwell on and become more aware of your automatic thoughts.
Make a habit of writing down your thoughts – this will enable you to become aware of your thinking.
Basic negative beliefs could be guiding your life and causing negative automatic thoughts. Until you gain knowledge of your automatic thoughts, you may be unaware of these basic beliefs.
Think about your thoughts and write them down in a notebook. Use three columns to separate triggering events, beliefs and key thoughts, and feelings.
Start by writing down anything that comes into your mind then learn to grasp your thoughts as your mood changes.
Clarify your thoughts by asking questions about how you see yourself as a person, how you think others see you and about implications, including for the future.
When you become familiar with grasping and writing down your thoughts, work on a fourth column – Challenging Your Thoughts. Continuing reading will help you do this.
Beware of negative thoughts such as "This is a waste of time – it won’t work for me." Say to your self "Even if this does not help, what will I lose from trying?"

Challenging Negative Feelings and Thoughts

To fight negative feelings and thoughts you need to be rational (logical, work like a detective) and compassionate (warm and friendly).
Often we do not see that there is evidence for and against a negative belief.
Produce alternatives by considering a problem from a number of different viewpoints.
Try to recognize the key advantages and disadvantages of a situation. You can attempt to challenge a block that may be noted.
You can do experiments to obtain more evidence for and against your thoughts and beliefs; test things out and practice new skills. Design your experiment step by step to give yourself a chance of success.
Write down and look carefully at your negative thoughts about a specific set of circumstances.
Consider how you think when you are not anxious and what you might say to a friend in your position. Challenge and question the validity of your negative thoughts using a rational and compassionate approach.
In order to start to challenge your negative thoughts examine the evidence for and against your idea or belief and try producing alternatives to your negative thoughts and beliefs.
Focus on a particular problem and think about the pros and cons and the advantages and disadvantages of altering your circumstances.

Types of Negative Thinking

The manner in which you think about things can cause your emotional problem to increase rather than decrease.
You should try to concentrate on and gain knowledge of your negative thoughts.
The types of negative thoughts that arise in emotional problems include:
1. catastrophizing (predicting the very worst);
2. jumping to negative conclusions (interpreting things without evidence);
3. emotional reasoning (an over-reliance on feelings to guide judgments);
4. ‘I must’(these thoughts involve feelings of being compelled to do something);
5. disregarding and disbelieving the positives;
6. disregarding and disbelieving others;
7. increasing the strength of the negatives by dwelling on them;
8. all-or-nothing thinking (black-and-white thinking);
9. overgeneralizing (you notice something that is true and make generalizations about it)
It is possible to successfully challenge all these thoughts.
From the different types of negative thinking given above try to recognize the ones relevant to you.
As you record your thoughts try to become aware of the type of thinking you are employing. You need to get as much practice as possible at recognizing and challenging your thoughts.
Look closely at your negative thought monitoring record. Which type of negative thinking is each thought an example of?
Note the sort of thought you are using and how to challenge it by being rational and compassionate.
Notice if these types of negative thoughts are entering your mind. Identify and question the validity of the thoughts as they do.
How might you assist a friend to challenge one of these types of thoughts e.g. jumping to conclusions? You need to be kind to yourself and take a middle view rather than extremes.
Concentrate on your abilities rather than what you are incapable of doing.
Ask "In what way am I taking care of myself?" "Are my thoughts assisting me in this?" Gradually increase your perceptions and understanding.

Further Challenging Negative Thoughts

To help you focus on controlling negative thoughts use flash cards with the thoughts and alternatives. On one side of the card write down one of your negative thoughts and on the other write down some key challenges to this.
If you can identify your feelings but not your thoughts, give your feelings a voice – what would they say?
Sit in a mediator chair opposite two chairs placed together which are your internal bully and your inner helper or rational and compassionate self. Ask yourself what each would say respectively and write down your thoughts.
Try to change your internal images so that they become more comforting and healing.
Explore some of your fundamental values and attitudes. Think about those that are no longer useful and try to change them by considering what values and attitudes you would convey to someone else. These will probably be your authentic values and attitudes.
"Life scripts" or typical roles give us all an identity. If you identify a life script that you would like to change, consider what you have to do to achieve this and how you would act differently if you had different values. Deal with the problem in steps.

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What Causes Stress At Work?
- Common causes of stress in the work place are:
  - Long Hours
    - If you are working more than 40 hours a week you are not likely to be working at your best and are heading for damaged health. Also this could result in mistakes and poor judgement in work tasks.
    - Do you feel you have too much work to do? Do you take work home and work unsociable hours? If the answers are ‘Yes’ then you need to improve your coping strategies and will be introduced to various techniques as you proceed with this program of self-help.
  - Your Work Environment
    - Your surroundings influence the effectiveness of your performance and how you feel at work.
    - Consider your work conditions and list three positive aspects and three negative aspects.
    - You need adequate space and privacy; take regular breaks when working on a screen; you require sufficient natural light and good lighting; ensure you are comfortable and that the décor is stimulating – personalize your workspace; air quality should be good; you may tolerate background noise but need to lower the noise level, as otherwise it will leave you feeling edgy and affect your concentration.
  - Conflict At Work
    - Make sure you are clear about the nature and scope of your role at work so that you can prioritize tasks and exercise the necessary level of responsibility without role ambiguity. You may experience role conflict where aspects of your job contradict other aspects. Your work may conflict with your personal values. There may be conflict between home and work – you need to establish boundaries to safeguard your personal life.
    - Consider your role at work – Are you not sure what is expected of you? Are you facing conflicting demands? Identify how your work reflects and contradicts your personal values. Try to maintain a balance between home and work.
  - Work Relationships
    - Lack of support from your manager can lead to loss of enthusiasm and motivation. When dealing with co-workers there may be personality clashes, differences of opinion, conflicting goals and misunderstandings.
    - List the sorts of behaviour you find difficult e.g. being criticized, saying no, accepting praise.
    - Reduce stress in relationships at work by improving your communication skills – listen actively, question constructively and be assertive.
  - The Job
    - Too much or too little pressure can be harmful. You may feel incapable in aspects of your job e.g. using technology or speaking at meetings. Lack of development and promotional opportunities can lead to dissatisfaction. If your work objectives are unclear, it can cause stress.
    - List the aspects of work which cause you the most stress. Note the situation, how you feel and how you behave.
    - To manage stressful aspects of your job – Be clear about your strengths and weaknesses, your values and goals; communicate with the appropriate people any source of pressure; be responsible for your development.
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Managing Stress At Work
- You may be using unhelpful coping strategies where you avoid dealing with a stressful situation directly. Do you deny what is happening? Do you blame others? Do you try to escape from the situation? Do you repress your feelings? Do you live in the past?
- Find out how you cope with stressful situations - write down situations, how you deal with them and the type of strategy you use e.g. blaming others.
- Consider the situation:
  1. Decide what cannot be altered and why.
  2. Decide what can be altered and how you would like the situation to be
  3. Decide how to change – you may be able to remove or reduce the stressor; look at the situation in a different way.
- Interpersonal skills influence the way others interact with you. Write down the situation, the desired outcome and the type of communication required.
- Assertive behaviour will help you manage stress – see ‘Assertiveness Training’.
- Write down your goals and why you want to achieve the goal. If the reason is inappropriate or irrelevant to your overall work aims, you will not be adequately motivated so cross out the goal.
- Learn to prioritize and decide what should come first:
- Something is important if it is in high value in relation to your goals and key tasks or will have a long-term effect on you and your life.
- Something is urgent if it has to be done to meet a deadline.
- To deal with interruptions, think about the interruptions that occur in a typical day. Identify those that occur frequently and plan how you will cut short the interruption e.g. ‘I must get this finished now’
- Learn to fix things as it can be frustrating to have to wait for someone else to come and do it for you.
- Be organized and keep your workspace clutter free.
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Criticism
- Giving or receiving criticism can cause stress.
- Prepare yourself for criticism by being aware of your areas of weakness at work and choose to live with them or take steps to improve them. Accept that occasionally your behaviour may be criticized and respond appropriately and with confidence.
- Do not react immediately to criticism – relax your body and listen attentively.
- If the criticism is valid, acknowledge it, apologize if appropriate and show you are willing to alter so that it does not recur. If there are circumstances which may be considered, explain them after accepting the criticism and not as an excuse.
- If you disagree with the criticism, show you have listened then say you disagree and why. Asking for more information if necessary may clarify your communication style or cause the person criticizing you, to back down.
- If you agree with part of what has been said, calmly agree with that element but question the part you disagree with.
- When giving constructive criticism:
  1. Identify precisely the behaviour you want to criticize
  2. Select the time and place
  3. Introduce the subject and describe without evaluating or judging, the behavior you want altered
  4. Request a specific change
  5. Make sure you get a response to what you have said
  6. Point out positive and negative consequences of whether or not the desired action is taken
  7. Facilitate discussion about the issue
  8. End the conversation with a summary
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Assertiveness Training
- The aim of assertive behaviour is to stand up for your legitimate rights and face others without putting yourself or them down.
- Assertiveness training teaches you to increase the number and variety of situations in which you are assertive.
- There are three types of interpersonal behaviour:
  1. Aggressive – you may be forceful in expressing your opinions, feelings and wants.
  2. Passive – your opinions, feelings and wants may be withheld completely or partly.
  3. Assertive - opinions, feelings and wants are stated with respect for the rights of others.
- Make sure you are aware of your fundamental rights which include:
  1. asking for what you want;
  2. saying ‘No’ without guilt;
  3. not being perfect;
  4. being ignorant about something;
  5. being responsible for your actions;
  6. having your own perspective and emotions;
  7. being indecisive;
  8. choosing whether or not to deal with others’ difficulties;
  9. expecting privacy, independence and success.
- There are five steps to being assertive:
  1. What do you want? ;
  2. What is fair? ;
  3. Be clear in asking for it;
  4. Contemplate and be ready for the risks;
  5. Stay calm
- Practice your arguments in advance and repeat yourself to get the message across. Be prepared to negotiate.
- Think about situations in which you are not assertive and how you could change this and be assertive.
- Write out a detailed description of problem scenes – note when and where the problem occurs; who is involved; what your difficulties are; how you handle it; your fear of what will happen if you are assertive; your goal.
- To deal with a problem situation:
  1. Consider your rights and wants.
  2. Unless spontaneous action is required, arrange a mutually convenient time to discuss your problem with the other person.
  3. Define the problem as specifically as possible.
  4. Describe your feelings using ‘I’ messages, to give the other person an understanding of how important the issue is to you.
  5. Make your request in one or two simple but firm sentences.
  6. Give positive reinforcement to get what you want e.g. we’ll be able to spend more time together. If this will be ineffective try negative reinforcement, describing the alternative way you will look after yourself if your wishes are not met.
- You need to arrive at a workable compromise. Agree to review this after a specified length of time and if you are not both satisfied you can renegotiate.
- Avoid being manipulated – techniques include:
  1. ‘Broken Record’ where you choose a concise assertive statement to say over and over to get your message across.
  2. Delay responding to a challenging statement until you are more prepared.
  3. Inviting criticism may reveal what is troubling the other person.
  4. When someone puts you down, acknowledge something you can agree with in their criticism and ignore the rest.
  5. You can change the focus, from discussing the topic to analyzing the interaction between the two of you.
- In instances where you lack time you could use the short form assertiveness technique. Consider:
  1. Your thoughts – state the facts as: ‘I think…’
  2. Your feelings - express as ‘I’ statements: ‘I feel…’
  3. Your wants – specify behaviour change as: ‘I want…’
- You need to develop assertive body language. Practice the following basic rules in front of a mirror so that you learn how to apply them to problem situations:
  1. Maintain eye contact and an erect body posture.
  2. Speak clearly and firmly.
  3. Emphasize what you are saying with gestures and facial expressions.
- Learn to listen assertively:
  1. Make sure you are both ready to listen.
  2. Listen giving the other person your full attention and ask them to clarify if necessary.
  3. Let the other person know you have heard what s/he has expressed to you.
- Practice being more assertive in problem situations and consider how it makes you feel.
- Role-playing is a good way to improve your assertiveness in a safe environment before trying it out in real life situations.
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Coping With the Need for Approval
- If you excessively seek approval, the needs of others will become more important than your own.
- You can become trapped in seeking approval when the means of achieving approval becomes to be increasingly subordinate. You avoid your own needs and try to please others.
- People can become subordinate to a way of life or to others.
- Conflict over whether you live for yourself or for others can lead to a loss of identity. This is linked to loss of composure and reduced confidence due to lack of control over where your life is going.
- Build your confidence by increasing the positives in your life and be serious about your own requirements and try not to criticize yourself.
- In your relationships with others remember that approval has to go both ways.
- Receiving a lot of criticisms and put downs is linked to mental ill-health. These can be verbal, non-verbal or even physical attacks. You may believe the bully or feel weak if you cannot deal with your adversary but the best option is to remove yourself from their presence or seek help from others.
- You will need your Thought Monitoring Record from Feelings and Thoughts. Try to recognize the types of negative thinking in the thoughts you note. Use your rational and compassionate mind to challenge the negative thinking.
- How do you deal with approval? Are you able to accept the nice things said about you? If not, record your thoughts and challenge them.
- What goes through your mind when you have made an effort and others do not notice? Do you think you are making too much of the circumstances? Are you feeling strongly self-critical? Challenge these thoughts with alternatives.
- Do you feel you must please others? What would happen if you did not succumb to the wishes of others? Would you label yourself as selfish? Write down your thoughts and challenge them. What thoughts prevent you from being your own person? Is it possible that your thinking can consider both yours and the other person’s perspective?
- Are you blaming yourself for being the target of a bully? Do you believe the bully? If so, think about how you can challenge this and how a sympathetic friend would talk to you.
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Managing Your Time
- Good time management requires being aware of:
  1. Your needs and strengths – list these opposite each other.
  2. Your standard procedure – find out how you use your time at present by keeping a record of how you spend your time. From the record you will be able to work out the best way of working. Try to get a balance of work tasks and include breaks.
  3. Your priorities – identify and rank in order of priority the different areas of your life. Consider the time you allocate to each and what is realistic and necessary. Perhaps others are making demands of you that you need to be more assertive about?
  4. Setting reasonable goals – keep in mind the important areas of your life when pursuing goals. Clearly define your goals so you know when you have achieved them. Some goals will need to be broken down into more manageable steps.
- Once you know the above you can draw up a new more efficient schedule. Use an organizer and list long-term (within six months), medium-term (within a month) and short-term (within a week) goals. Set aside time each day to organize. Try to do a ‘To do’ list of prioritized tasks every day. Plan flexibly and review every month.
- Delegating – giving over responsibility with authority, to others for appropriate tasks, is part of good time management.
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Competitiveness and Perfectionism
- Most of our problems arise from failing, so learning how to fail without attacking yourself is useful in gaining more control over your mood. Without realizing it, because of the pressure to succeed, we can become competitive and perfectionist people who are daunted by the thought of failure.
- Perfectionism leads to frequent disappointments which results in feeling low.
- Perfectionism can lead to competitiveness when we want to be seen as superior and wish to avoid inferiority.
- To find out in which areas of your life your competitiveness lies ask yourself which areas of your life you would not settle for being average and which concern you regarding what others possess, are achieving or doing.
- A problem with perfectionism is that you evaluate yourself on the products of your activities and disregard your efforts.
- Competitiveness and perfectionism can be directed at our self or at others or we may feel it is expected of us.
- Another problem with competitiveness and perfectionism is that your internal bully often directs frustration and anger toward yourself.
- You may become self-centered from perfectionism and competitiveness if you let your inner bully take control.
- You may experience frustrative anger, anxiety or guilt at not succeeding, because of your negative thinking styles.
- As a result self-attacking or attacking others may increase, leading to you feeling more low.
- You need to consider how you cope with yourself and others when you cannot meet your ideal standards.
- In order to identify your competitiveness and perfectionism think about an occasion when you did not succeed at something. What were your ideals regarding the matter? What were you hoping to achieve and why would that have been good? Were you afraid of inferiority or were you seeking superiority? Were you attempting to attain your own ideals or those dictated by others? Was your objective to gain the favour of others? Are you success orientated or do you try to avoid failure?
- Praise yourself for even your little successes.
- Examine your actions when you fail. Do you attack yourself or others? What do you say in these circumstances? Do you accept failure, if so why? Write these down to make things clearer for yourself. Next explore if you use types of negative thinking e.g. all-or-nothing thinking.
- Learn how to fail so that you need not fear achieving success. Use your rational and compassionate mind to ask yourself firstly how you would advise a friend, then what you wish them to say to you. Can you find alternatives to challenge your negative thoughts and feelings?
- Try to break things up into a manageable size and proceed in steps concentrating on your achievements rather than what you have been unable to do.
- Set realistic standards, become tolerant of others’ mistakes and learn to identify what is ‘good enough’ and accept it.
- Is your life pleasurable or do you not enjoy things? Can you complete one task today? Consider how you might obtain help from others?
- Learn to accept yourself thus gaining confidence and enjoy your success.
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Procrastination
- Many of us put off doing tasks and find that this is more stressful than doing the job in the first place.
- Consider why you put things off:
  1. Fear of failure - you protect yourself by not doing the task, so you will not fail.
  2. Fear of success – you may feel anxious about moving on after a task; achievement may not fit your self-image; others’ reactions to your success may be difficult.
  3. No clearly defined outcome – your motivation to begin and continue will be weak.
  4. To control others – you may like making others wait, the anxiety this causes them and the attention you gain from such behaviour.
  5. For stimulation – you may feel energized by the last-minute rush.
- To ‘do it now’ :
  1. Remove distractions – what do you do instead of what you should be doing? Eliminate these distractions
  2. Break the task down into small tasks
  3. Commit yourself to small amounts of time
  4. Tasks may be started at anywhere, not necessarily from the start through to the end
  5. Telling someone suitable what you intend to accomplish will ensure you do it
  6. Do the worst task first to get it out of the way; alternatively do it second,after an easy task which puts you in a positive frame of mind
  7. Usually it is best to finish what you start but for procrastinators it is better to stop where it will be easy to start again to finish later
  8. If a last-minute rush stimulates you, try finding alternative, more positive ways of challenging yourself e.g. a new project
  9. Treat yourself every time you complete even the smallest task
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Further Strategies For Stress Relief
- Change is inevitable and you need to regard it as an integral part of life, rather than stability. Life changes can be stressful – try to anticipate change and live with it.
- You need to be responsible for what happens in your life rather than blaming others and external events, when things go wrong. You have the power and ability to influence what occurs and need to behave in line with this belief.
- Consider two stressful situations: What can you control and what is beyond your control? What positive thoughts will enable you to deal with the latter?
- Having a well formulated back-up plan you can use immediately should your initial plan receive a setback, will make you feel more in control of your life.
- Regularly consider the pressures you are under and how you deal with them.
- You may have succeeded under pressure on a particular occasion. Try to relive the experience intensely when you are pressurized again, so that your fears are replaced with confidence.
- You need to be committed to a support system as this involvement with others and a range of activities will give satisfaction in life.
- When creating your support system includes people who meet your needs in different ways e.g. some may support you in emotional issues and others may be a good laugh.
- Draw a circle in circles around it and put yourself in the central circle. Write the names and significance of people in your life in the remaining circles starting with the people closest to you and working outward. This will clarify your circles of support.
- You need to be committed to your personal vision of life. Write down your purpose and direction in life and refer to this statement for all your actions and decisions.
- You need to have healthy balance between work and other aspects of your life. Think about each area of your life e.g. work, family, community, and health, financial and spiritual. How much time and energy do you devote to each area and how much time and energy would you ideally like to devote to each area?
- You will have a number of different roles in your life e.g. parent, daughter or son, friend and colleague. You need to maintain a balance between these roles.
- For each of your roles write down what you want to achieve and how you will achieve it.
- List three goals for each area of your life. Note what you want to achieve; give each goal a deadline; write down how you will know you are succeeding.
- Alternative working arrangements may restore some balance to your life e.g. job-sharing, part-time working, flexi-time hours.
- Developing an optimistic attitude will enable you to deal positively with pressure.
- Language influences the way we feel. Use positive language which will build your optimism and confidence.
- Giving and receiving praise can be greatly motivating and increases our confidence.
- When giving praise, identify what you think deserves to be admired and give praise succinctly.
- When accepting praise, maintain eye contact, smile and say thank you; do not disagree with or qualify the praise or feel obliged to say something in return; if the praise is vague ask for more information.
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Dealing With Relationships
- Interpersonal relationships may have caused your emotional problem or may be preventing you from recovering – in any event interpersonal relationships will be affected by your emotional problem.
- You need to understand your personal relationships and be able to deal with them effectively.
- Draw interpersonal maps for:
  1. How your interpersonal relationships are at present;
  2. How your interpersonal relationships might be now if you did not suffer from your emotional problem;
  3. How your interpersonal relationships will be in 10 years if you continue to suffer from your emotional problem;
  4. How you would ideally like your interpersonal relationships to be.
  These will summarize all your relationships and allow you to recognize any changes you may desire.
- List all your important relationships and put yourself in the middle of the map in a circle.
- Place each person’s name in a circle on the map, around you in the middle – the closer the relationship to you, the closer the circle to you.
- Join these circle’s to you in the middle with an arrow outward if it is you mainly giving; an arrow inward if you are mainly receiving; a two-way arrow if giving and receiving is balanced; a question mark if you are unsure.
- Examine these maps noting any differences and set yourself goals to make any desired changes to your relationships.
- For each relationship ask yourself: who initiates and terminates contact; are you happy with how often you see this person? ; who decides what to do or what to talk about? ; is there a balance between giving and receiving? ; do you want to alter the relationship in anyway?
- Consider questions such as: who could I confide in and get advice from? ; who would be there for me if I fell ill? ; who would lend me money at very short notice?
- Next time you have contact with each person, examine the relationship – participate and observe. Were your predictions correct? – If not, what was different?
- When you have a complete picture of your relationships, think about how you maintain them and in what way you want to change your relationships.
- Two important reasons for making changes are:
  1. 1. A balanced and supportive social network is necessary for your well-being;
  2. 2. By altering your relationships but avoiding being controlling, you may increase your sense of control.
- Start by making small changes and monitoring progress. You could also try discussing what you have learned about the relationship with the individual.
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You And Your Family
- You may want reconciliation and improved relationships with your family, or compromise or you may want to distance yourself from your family.
- Record your feelings and the trigger for them, when you are with your family.
- Establish ground rules for dealing with your family. List what you want or need from your family. How can you ensure you get what you need?
- In order to understand the difficulties you face visualize an event where you state what you need. What feelings and associated thoughts do you have?
- To be assertive you need to think about what you need or want; what is in accordance with reason and just? Make a reasonable proposal which is often a compromise; what would be the results of your proposal not being adequately thought about?
- If assertiveness is a problem for you consider doing an assertiveness training course.
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Removing The Obstacles To Intimacy
- Record and examine closely the things that prevent you from achieving intimacy with someone. Note your thoughts and reactions when you distance yourself from a friend or end a relationship and make an analysis e.g. are you overgeneralising?
- Social inadequacy can be an obstacle to intimacy. Apply your assertiveness skills to your social and work life and observe how socially skilled people handle situations in particular difficult ones. Rehearse your social behaviours so that you are comfortable with them.
- Try to grasp your anxious thoughts, examine them closely and if required, challenge them. What are your anxious thoughts? Is your outlook biased – are there misjudgments? Consider the evidence to support and discount your thoughts.
- See ‘Overcoming Social Phobia’ in the Forward Counselling Advice Service.
- It is possible to become over-intimate and make ourselves vulnerable to exploitation. Trust can be given in a series of stages and you can fluctuate as to how much you trust someone.
- Communication is necessary for all relationships. Record the feelings which threaten your relationship (e.g. jealousy) and grasp the automatic thoughts. Analyze them and find alternative ways of dealing with the situation.
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Controlled Breathing And Relaxation Techniques
1. Dealing With Bodily Experiences: Controlling Your Breathing
  - Hyperventilation – faster breathing occurs in response to exertion and stress. In the long-term this can be uncomfortable and cause unpleasant physical symptoms which trigger more anxiety and more hyperventilation. Another cycle of stress is set up and can result in a panic attack.
  - You can rectify hyperventilation by learning to control your breathing.
  - First practice lying down and later sitting or standing. Place one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest. Breathe in slowly through your nose until your lungs are full then exhale slowly through your nose. Breathing in and out counts as one breath – aim to take 8-12 breaths a minute.
  - In order to be effective you need to practice this exercise repeatedly.
2. Dealing With Bodily Experiences: Relaxation
  - You need to develop relaxation into a skill you can use when you feel muscular tension due to stress.
  - Try to develop a routine and practice your relaxation exercises. Start by lying down and later you can try sitting or standing. Control your breathing.
  - Record your experiences noting the date and time. Rate your distress before the relaxation exercise, 1-10 (1 is tense and 10 is very relaxed). Which exercise did you use? Rate your distress afterwards. Make notes of the sort of day it was, your preoccupations etc.
  - Below are three exercises – only move to the next one when you are fully relaxed after a routine.
    1. Progressive Muscular Relaxation (PMR)
      - Breathe slowly and regularly as you focus on different parts of the body: feet – tense your feet then relax and repeat; legs – straighten your legs then relax and repeat; abdomen – tense your abdomen then relax and repeat; back – arc your back then relax and repeat; shoulders/neck – bring your shoulders up and in and press your head back. Relax and repeat; arms – stretch out your arms and hands. Relax and repeat; face – tense your face and bite hard then relax and repeat; whole body – tense your whole body then relax and repeat.
      - After the routine if you still feel tense then repeat it then when you are relaxed think of something calming to relax your mind. Get up slowly and gently.
      - You should practice PMR twice a day until you feel relaxed after the exercise.
    2. Shortened PMR
      - You can miss out the tensing and go straight to relaxing the different muscles. When you have achieved this you can progress to using the routine at other times and places.
    3. Simple Relaxation Routine
      - Identify a word, object or scene you find calming. Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Be aware of your breathing as you inhale through your nose. As you exhale, think about your calming mental image. Continue this until you feel relaxed. You should practice this exercise frequently.
  - When you have learned to relax using the three exercises you can start to use the skills throughout the day. Use something to remind you regularly to relax. Apply your relaxation skills whenever you need to use them in response to physical tension.
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Meditation
- Meditation is achieved in attempting to focus your attention on one thing at a time.
- You need to meditate regularly to become adept at meditation.
- Preparing to meditate:
  1. Choose a sitting position you find comfortable e.g. sitting in a chair, cross-legged on the floor or on your knees with your feet under your bottom.
  2. Sit, with your back relaxed but straight and let it arch.
  3. Breathe through your nose with your mouth closed and place your tongue on the roof of your mouth.
  4. Notice the sensations of contact with the chair or cushion and of where your body touches itself.
  5. Notice your breathing. Take several deep breaths and feel your abdomen expand and contract with your breathing.
  6. It is important you maintain a passive, unconcerned attitude about what you are doing during meditation.
  7. You may wish to start by meditating for only five minutes at a time. Do not force yourself to sit longer than you want to – twenty to thirty minutes once or twice a day is sufficient relaxation.
- Three basic meditations will be outlined. Choose your favourite and practice it regularly, at least once a day.
  1. Mantra Meditation
    1. Select as your mantra a word or syllable e.g. ‘one’ or ‘OM’ – it may be a nonsense syllable you find pleasing.
    2. Prepare to meditate. Sit comfortably and take several deep breaths.
    3. Chant your mantra silently noticing any sensations in your body with the repetition of your mantra.
    4. You may wish to chant your mantra aloud. Notice any sensations in your body that are different from when you chant your mantra silently. Do you find chanting your mantra silently or aloud more relaxing?
    5. Be aware of your chanting and do not let it become mechanical.
  2. Sitting Meditation
    1. Sit comfortably
    2. Focus on the rise and fall of your breath. Concentrate on the sensations of breathing – inhaling and exhaling and your breath filling your lungs.
    3. When you are distracted from your breathing, gently focus on it again.
    4. Acknowledge any distracting thoughts by naming the thoughts e.g. worry, planning.
    5. You need to practice regularly so that you can focus on your breathing more effortlessly and dismiss your thoughts more easily.
  3. Breath-Counting Meditation
    1. Sit comfortably and take several deep breaths. Close your eyes or fix them on a spot in front of you. Your eyes may be focused or unfocused.
    2. Take deep breaths and focus on:
      - Inhaling
      - The point at which you stop inhaling and start exhaling
      - Exhaling
      - The pause between the exhale and inhale
      - The point at which you start to inhale
      - The inhale.
      - Continue with this noticing any sensations in your body as you inhale and exhale.
    3. As you exhale say ‘one’ and continue counting aloud to the fourth exhale when you say ‘four’. Then begin this count again.
    4. If thoughts intrude, gently return to counting your breathing. Do not worry if you lose count – simply start again.
    5. If you are distracted by any sensation in your body, focus on it until it recedes then return to counting your breathing.
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Autogenics
- Autogenics is a hypnotic technique. It is a self-generated state of relaxation used in a hypnotic way for self-improvement.
- It is possible to create a state very much like a hypnotic trance just by thinking of heaviness and warmth in your extremities. Essentially all you have to do is relax, undisturbed, in a comfortable position and focus passively on verbal formulas that suggest warmth and heaviness in your limbs.
- Verbal suggestions can be used to relax the body, calm the mind and resolve specific problems.
- The verbal formulas to normalize the body aim to reverse the ‘fight or flight’ state that occurs when you experience physical or emotional stress.
- There are six themes:
  1. Relaxation of the voluntary muscles;
  2. Relaxation of the blood vessels to allow greater blood flow;
  3. Normalizing cardiac activity;
  4. Regulating the respiratory system;
  5. Relaxing and warming the abdominal region – the solar plexus;
  6. Reducing blood flow to the head.
- AT can effectively treat various disorders, including muscle tension, hyperventilation, bronchial asthma, constipation, diarrhea, ulcers, high blood pressure, headaches, general anxiety, irritability and fatigue.
- AT is not recommended for children under five years old or people with severe mental or emotional problems. Before commencing AT you need to have a physical exam and discuss with your medical doctor the effects AT will be likely to have on you. You may need to be under medical supervision while in AT, if you are diabetic, hypoglycemic or have a heart condition. If you have high or low blood pressure you need to check with your medical doctor that AT is regularizing it. If you are anxious or feel any side effects after AT, you should continue AT only under the supervision of a professional AT instructor.
- You will need to practice your autogenic formulas at least twice a day for twenty minutes. If this is too long, you can try shorter more frequent sessions each day.
- After one month of regular exercise you should be able to relax quickly using all six themes.
- Facilitating relaxation for AT:
  - Ensure you are wearing loose clothing.
  - Choose a quiet, comfortably warm room where you will not be disturbed.
  - Turn the lights down low.
  - Sit comfortably with your head, back and extremities supported by the armchair or lie with your head supported, your arms by your side but not touching your body and your legs about eight inches apart, with your toes pointing slightly outward.
  - Check that your position is tension free then close your eyes or focus softly on a point in front of you.
  - Breathe slowly and deeply and relax then begin repeating your autogenic formulas.
- Make an audiotape of the verbal formulas and listen to it twice a day or memorize the formulas. You need to repeat each formula four times, saying it slowly then pause briefly. On the audiotape leave half a minute between each formula for silent repetition, as you passively concentrate on the part of the body it refers to. If you are focusing on memorizing one set at a time you can repeat the set for twenty minutes in a session or for mini sessions.
- You may experience transitory unpleasant or pleasant experiences. They will pass as you continue to practice – just note them and return to your AT formulas.
- To finish an AT session say to yourself ‘I will be refreshed and alert when I open my eyes.’ Make sure you are wide awake when you resume regular activities.
- Autogenic Verbal Formulas for Normalizing the Body:
  Start with your dominant arm.
- When you have mastered the six basic autogenic themes you can use modifications for specific problems e.g. ‘My [tense or painful area] is warm and relaxed. Never use the suggestion ‘My forehead feels warm’ because this increases the blood flow to the head and could result in pain. For headaches and blushing intersperse the formula ‘My forehead is cool.’ To stop smoking you could repeat ‘Smoking is a disgusting habit, and I can do without it.’ The formulas should be brief, and realistic to the rational mind.
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Nutrition
- A healthy body responds better to life stresses and good nutrition is fundamental to good health.
- Monitor your food intake for a week then analyze the record to see what changes need to be made. Gradually introduce a few changes at a time.
- Positive Eating:
  1. Reduce your fat intake – it is an accepted theory that saturated fats contribute to heart disease and stroke by raising the body’s cholesterol level.
  2. Limit sugar intake – cravings for sugar can be better satisfied with fruit
  3. Avoid too much salt – Recommended sodium intake is 3000 milligrams daily and 2000 milligrams for people with high blood pressure and on a low-sodium diet.
  4. You need in your diet macronutrients (proteins, carbohydrates, and fats) and micronutrients (vitamins and minerals) – the former in larger quantities and the latter in smaller amounts. You should eat mostly fruits and vegetables, least of high fat foods such as cake and chocolate and a moderate amount of foods such as bread, rice and potatoes and high protein foods such as meat and fish with less of the latter category than the former.
  5. Find a healthy weight according to your height and remember that weight fluctuates by 2-3 pounds in either direction.
  6. Restrict your caffeine intake – coffee, tea, chocolate, colas and some medications are high in this stimulant. Caffeine can interfere with sleep and makes some people irritable as well as contributing to gastrointestinal distress.
  7. Limit your alcohol consumption – alcohol is high in calories and low in nutrients.
  8. Supplement your diet with a multivitamin daily – this is not a substitute for not eating well.
  9. You need to eat three meals and two snacks a day. Eat frequently and calmly learning to savour your food.
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Exercise
- Exercise effectively reduces stress by returning the body to its normal equilibrium, from the ‘fight and fight’ state of arousal.
- There are three types of exercise:
  1. Aerobic exercises – these are vigorous and involve the use of the large muscles in the body, such as the legs and arms. Your cardiovascular system is strengthened and your stamina is increased. Examples are jogging, brisk walking and swimming.
  2. Stretching exercises - these are slow and relaxing and can increase muscle strength, flexibility and joint mobility. Examples are yoga and tai chi.
  3. Toning exercises – these concentrate on firming or tightening specific muscles. Examples are squats for thigh muscles and push-ups for arm and chest muscles.
- You need to exercise regularly and adequately.
- Exercise can relieve chronic muscle tension, depression and anxiety. Metabolism will be improved relieving indigestion and chronic constipation. Posture will be improved providing relief for lower back pain caused by stress. Exercise will also fight stress - related chronic fatigue and insomnia.
- Check with your doctor before starting an exercise program. Start slowly and build up gradually. Select exercise you enjoy.
- Make a plan to exercise three times a week for two months and be committed to this schedule to incorporate exercise as a regular part of your life.
- To support you in your endeavours keep a diary noting time, opportunity to exercise, the pros and cons for exercising, response, and solution if you did not take the opportunity to exercise in that instance.
- You will need to determine the best times for you to exercise and your diary may help your decisions.
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Conclusion
- Employers need to deal with stress in their workplace to avoid possible legal action against the organization, by an employee, and also to improve quality of life for the work force.
- The employee should make a written complaint to make the employer aware, when they first suffer the symptoms of stress and then keep a record of all subsequent stressful situations.
- It is the employer’s duty to deal with the situation once the employee has made the employer aware of the symptoms of stress. The employee may have grounds for a complaint against the employer if the employer’s negligence has contributed to a stress related illness.
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